@markleggett: In America she's called "Miley" Cyrus, but in other countries she's called "What America would be like if it were a person".
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@2014longview: If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.
@djdarrellripley: My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn't do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer..
@lilgapeach30: The black smoke coming from my toaster indicates a new pop tart has been selected!