@TheMichaelRock: In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds. How is that person still alive?
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@SteveSuckington: My doctor had a plate of McDonalds food that was a year old to show people that it never rots. The burger was dry but the fries were decent.
@jokeymcjokeface: Crime would drop to 0% if police uniforms were scary clown costumes. "Put your hands up and state your favorite balloon animal!"
@Shot_Of_Cabo: She: In the future, can you please put the seat down? Me: Now I gotta be a time traveler for you?