@NicestHippo: In America, we decide to bomb people after a week of reflection, but have debated the legality of smoking a plant for 40 years
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@perlapell: Hey Young Girls, when a first date suggests you two go to "your place", take him to Target.
@trishm426: Hey kids, please don't wash the 13 glasses you've already left in the sink. Just grab a clean one next time you're thirsty.
@briangaar: If you pull a lizard's tail off, it will grow back. If you pull it off again, the lizard will be like "dude."
@Ready_Set_Nope: I just overheard my kid muttering "I'm sorry you had to see that" to a stuffed toy. It's probably best not to ask what "that" was right?