@BackrowSeats: In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don't know how you eat that shit".
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@Jake_Vig: Customer service stopped recording my calls for training purposes. There's nothing to be learned from that much profanity.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Her: You need to text faster Me: Not sure what you just sent. I'm still working on the texts from 3 weeks ago
@ProdigyNelson: [date] Me: *ok don't let her know I'm a bull* Her: "so what are some red flags for you?" Me: *sweating* "haha red flags? Where?"