@BackrowSeats: In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don't know how you eat that shit".
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@AngelaEhh: My tall sister took the vodka out of the cupboards above the fridge. I always thought those doors were just there for decoration.
@50NerdsofGrey: 'I've been a very naughty girl!' she said, licking her lips, 'I need to be punished . . .' So he invited his mother to stay for Christmas.
@TheGoodGodAbove: The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint