@mantej: In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
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@gorrdano: Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There's no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks.
@Staggfilms: Me: You can't fire me, I quit! Boss: You can't quit, I fired you! Me: You can't quit me, I'm fire! Boss:... *our eyes lock and we kiss*
@QwertyJones3: The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
@MarfSalvador: Me: Forgive me father I have sinned Priest: Get out of my house M: But it's a big sin P: *sigh* Speak child M: I broke into your house