@RobDenBleyker: In an unexpected motion, Texas Republicans have voted to move midnight to 1am.
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@OfficialMizGin: Want to know the real reason girls go to the bathroom together? The air hockey table. All our bathrooms have one.
@Fred_Delicious: *approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*
@InternetHippo: ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise