@BoyCalledAnn: In Australia, nah-yeah means yes, yeah-nah means no and nah-nah means banana.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [the cops release the cadaver sniffing dogs into my living room for the third time this week] ME: *pauses netflix* I told you I'm not dead!
@ScottLinnen: Your "COEXIST" sticker inspired me to slip a Madagascar hissing cockroach through your car window at the mall. Peace.
@HughGoesThere: [bedtime] Me: What’s in vegetable oil? Daughter: Vegetables M: And olive oil? D: Olives M: And baby oil? D: *I turn out the lights and leave
@TheAlexP: I don't often get suspicious,but squirrels rubbing their tiny hands together? I worry they won the lottery & hired a good hit & run attorney