@Mikecanrant: In Batman Begins, the scene when Bruce Wayne throws the gun into the river, if you listen you can hear someone say "you throw like a girl".
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@OreoSpeedwagon_: Note to self: hairspray does not kill spiders; it merely increases their strength and makes them look flawless all day.
@pleatedjeans: [tells friend cat passed away] Is there anything I can do? Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap But I- [starts crying] OK OK
@birbigs: Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.