@therealeatwood: In bed I’m like the Energizer Bunny: no one’s thought about me since 1997
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@CatherineLMK: Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
@yoyoha: Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
@Cheeseboy22: My driver's license says I'm an organ donor but jokes on them because I have a piano.