@asimplesean: I approach.
"Girl are you a couch? Cuz I'm gonna try & fail to pick you up."
She laughs. "I'm Jen."
My training hasn't prepared me for this.
@ChipKellysBalls: House is a mess ... Walked in the other day and there were 2 people on the couch blindfolded and filming a Fabreeze commercial
@suzieQ0007: Co-worker: What's the difference between astronomy & astrology?
Me: Approximately 50-60 IQ points.
@secondofhername: Friend: I'm about to appear in court.
Me: Best of luck! Kill it!!
Friend:...not exactly the best phrase to use in a medical negligence case.
@Sickayduh: [Titanic]
Steward: Lifeboats are assigned by your star sign.
Aries, this boat. Virgo, that boat-
"What about Leo?"
Steward: No. Leo dies.
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