@SondraDeeMe: [in bed]
BF: Why are you scared?
ME: Cuz your Mom's here
BF: She's not bad
*Mom hands me pregnancy test* This better be positive by sunrise
![[in bed]
BF: Why are you scared?
ME: Cuz your Mom’s here
BF: She’s not bad
*Mom hands me pregnancy test* This better be positive by sunrise](/cache/106898.jpg)
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@Dawn_M_: Do you remember that creepy girl who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
@InternetHippo: elephant: i’m thirsty, how do i drink mother nature: inhale water & squirt it from ur nose directly into ur mouth elephant: what the hell
@cloudypianos: Obama: Please don't talk to me until I've had my morning cup of Joe. Joe: no please no more. Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*
@jergarl: *takes ambien Oh. You said NO ambien before dinner at your parents. Wife: Really? Me:*already getting naked* I'm sure it will be fine.
@BigFatNothing: (in a rowboat with 6 starving people) "I think you mean "WHOM should we eat first"
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