@boom_goes_the: In biblical times, I would have given your dad so many goats for you.
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@TheBoydP: Pro tip: To tell how far away a storm is, count the seconds between the lightning and the thunder and then look at your weather app.
@TheCiscoKidder: Fight Club, but instead of blowing up all the financial institutions, they reset all twitter follower counts back to zero.
@jumpdashark: "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." ~ me talking shit to my peanut butter sandwich.