@boom_goes_the: In biblical times, I would have given your dad so many goats for you.
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@UncleDuke1969: [job interview] Him: What’s your greatest strength? Me: I’m very independent. Him: … Me: … Him: … Me: Tell him, Mom. Mom: He is!
@pinupteacher: WAITER: Would you like any dessert? DATE: No, just the ch- ME: CHEESECAKE. Just the cheesecake.
@what_eve_r: my aunt: why u kids always on them phones cant u have a real conversation me: *puts down phone* *crosses legs* why did u melt the ice caps
@Just_Lee_: If she says "well you're too busy to chat so have a good day" ..what she means is she hopes it's a good day for your hair to catch on fire.