@Parentpains: In Canada, a drive by shooting is just a guy using finger guns while winking at a chick he has no chance with.
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@QwertyJones3: Uh, guys... I just heard from my doctor, and it's bad news. If you've retweeted me recently, you should really go get yourself checked out.
@daemonic3: [waving hands and chasing down ice cream truck] Hey! "What'll it be?" [out of breath] Nothing. Just wanted to tell you I'm vegan