@Parentpains: In Canada, a drive by shooting is just a guy using finger guns while winking at a chick he has no chance with.
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@AmberTozer: "Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you've been wearing the same outfit all week is you" - my fashion blog
@TheDairylandDon: To avoid small talk with neighbors I've taken to checking the mail in the middle of the night like some kinda raccoon with bills.
@nbadag: [runs up to a group of people] ME: ZACK ATTACK GUY: lol is your name zack or— [thousands of bros crest a nearby hill] ME: [whispering] RUN
@TheAlexNevil: If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, no question, I would want to be alive.