@charliedelta7: In case of a zombie apocalypse, I'm surrounding my house with treadmills.
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@ericsshadow: Would you get your phone if you dropped it in a toilet? 1996: eww that's gross 2016: head first without thinking
@shadygrenade: Magician: an ordinary deck of cards right? Guy in front row: that's a ham. Magician: [whispers to assistant] get eagle eyes out of here.
@CatherineLMK: Shaking hands is so weird: "Nice to meet you, have some germs and dead skin cells."