@charliedelta7: In case of a zombie apocalypse, I'm surrounding my house with treadmills.
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@murrman5: "Behold, a 3 headed cat" "um, its just 3 cats taped together" "Behold, a 12 legg...*tape rips, one cat runs away*..errr 8 legged cat."
@weinerdog4life: Forgive me father for I have sinned, last week I hissed at 47 people because I like to pretend I'm a mean cat
@waydybee: Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails
@Lakelandr: I've eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another