@JohnsonDiaz21: In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.
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@chopper4jk: When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I'm sure you already know, have a great time!
@VerbsRProudest: When someone accuses you of being defensive, you can't deny it without sounding defensive. Just hurl a flower pot. No one expects that.
@onion_an: Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't
@AnkCoupleTO: [gym] Him: Are you using that machine? Me: *locked in a passionate embrace with the squat rack* it's CLEARLY mutual