@JohnsonDiaz21: In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.
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@MyMomologue: The loudest sound on Earth is my child asking an inappropriate question about another customer at the grocery store.
@DaddyJew: [at daycare] Me: I'm here to pick up my son Daycare: what's he look like? Me: *points to my face* D: oh. Ok
@Flattliner: People who drive very slowly cause me cognitive dissonance. They deserve to die, but appear less likely to do so...