@iAmDelFreaky: In elementary I got all the chicks because my box of crayons had a built-in sharpener. Been on a dry spell ever since. Just me & my crayons.
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@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: A guy with a ponytail wearing mirrored sunglasses and camouflage pants just checked me out and winked at me. Still got it.
@BlotterMonkey: Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can't put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can't really fly -next"