@weinerdog4life: In every IKEA there is a magical filing cabinet labeled raccoons, DO NOT OPEN THIS FILING CABINET!
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@jonnysun: did u kno that when a plane lands the first person to stand up gets to drive the plane for the next trip
@VerifiedJayy: My son: do kids that get bullied go to college? Me: no they go to the police academy
@AimeeHelene1: Hotel garbage cans are way too small. How the hell am I supposed to fit my 8 take out containers, 5 empty bottles of wine, and cake tin in there?!
@david8hughes: If you see a distressed woman in the street screaming that she can't find her baby, don't offer to help her make another one.