@weinerdog4life: In every IKEA there is a magical filing cabinet labeled raccoons, DO NOT OPEN THIS FILING CABINET!
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@Book_Krazy: Cop: Know why I pulled you over? "No" Cop: *points* Your buck naked [turns to deer in passenger seat] "Jesus Frank, put your fur back on"
@AndyRichter: HEADLINE: Recent Studies Show Old White Dudes Possibly Becoming Obsolete. "This is bad for everybody," say Old White Dudes.
@Donna_McCoy: I just smile when someone says I eat like a horse, because it's hard to argue through a mouthful of sugar cubes.
@DangerZoneJunky: I think my girlfriend is a serial killer you guys...she wakes up and makes the bed in the morning