@cookiejartales: In grocery store & guy grabs my hand,starts to walk.I go with him, till he turns & realizes I'm not his wife.We broke it off...Single again
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@geowizzacist: I just stabbed a pin in my arm. Somewhere out there a bunch of voodoo dolls just said 'Ouch.'
@mommy_cusses: Settle down, school picture day packages. I don't need a body pillow with my son's face embroidered on it for $400.
@AnOrangeSNES: *Snoop walks into a classroom* Snoop: Tell me about the Big Bong Theory Teacher: It's the Big Bang Theory *Snoops walks out disappointed*
@byrdie_num_num: Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years.