@cookiejartales: In grocery store & guy grabs my hand,starts to walk.I go with him, till he turns & realizes I'm not his wife.We broke it off...Single again
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@IGotsSmarts: If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can't even finish this one
@MartaEffing: [first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*
@iGreenMonk: They tried it standing up, sitting down and bent over the kitchen table but it was no good - they just couldn't get a decent wi-fi signal.
@katiefzack: Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, "If I'm alive by then," and hang up.