@ObscureGent: In Harry Potter, a scar on your forehead means you're a hero. In real life, a scar on your forehead means you got drunk & lack coordination.
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@Book_Krazy: Me: I'm worried that the romance has gone out of our marriage Hub: Bet I can change your mind during the next commercial break
@IncrediblyRich: After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.
@TrueTorontoGirl: [Boss stands at my desk] Can I see you in my office? [I stare curiously] You can see me here, right?
@kyry5: One time a guy left a full glass of sangria behind on a first date and I pretended I forgot my sunglasses so I could run back and chug it.