@yerpalmildsauce: In Heaven all your lost pets are sitting around waiting to see you again. "I wish he'd die," says Cupcake. They all nod.
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@SnizzleFrizzle: I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish. *I'm not even high.
@just1fool: Who, me? Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.
@XplodingUnicorn: If you still had hope for kids today, a teenager in a bookstore pointed to a book title and asked me if it was about World War Two or Eleven
@Smooheed: Every night it sounds like my neighbors take turns at running headfirst into their walls