@BridgetPhetasy: In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.
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@simoncholland: Thanks for always acting surprised by breakfast in bed like you slept right through the great pots and pans avalanche of 6:45 AM.
@FrogAvalanche: [On phone] "Did u see the weather forecast?" "No. I refuse to be sucked in by Big Weather." "Where are you? Its so noisy." "IN A TORNADO."
@iwearaonesie: [Jurassic Park] kid: What do you call a blind dinosaur? me: What? kid: Do-you-think-he-saurus me *pushes him out of the tree*
@atanya1111: So Kanye West said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.