@web_supergirl: In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper.
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@MooseAllain: "Help! I can't get my jogging trousers off!" "We'll have to perform an emergency trackybottomy"
@TheTweetOfGod: Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But why are you walking around giving men fish? That's weird, dude.
@Girliegurll: I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn't tell I was drinking. I'm worried about her, now.