@web_supergirl: In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper.
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@1followernodad: guys: women are a mystery. women: Here is what we- guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT? women: well for start- guys: Guess we'll never know!
@brennadine: Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please.
@MondayPajamas: Girl, you don't even know how crazy I am about you.... I'm thinking about digging my mom up so she can meet you.
@jonnysun: ME: genie, i wish i was dead GENIE: [makes me dead then brings me back to life] ok u have two wishes left ME: i dont think u understood