@web_supergirl: In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper.
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@WilliamAder: Whenever someone tells me they have an IQ of 140, I wonder if that's Fahrenheit or centigrade.
@david8hughes: Me: can I have a few extra days off over Christmas Boss: it's May Me: sorry, may I have a few extra days off over Christmas
@murrman5: [trying to avoid awkward silence on first date] you ever see a horse throw up? "no" *smiles and turns phone sideways so video gets bigger*