@TheRobCee: In hell, your mouth is always freshly brushed & minty, and all they have to drink is orange juice.
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@That_Damn_Duck: How I wear a scarf: 1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder 2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it. 3. Repeat
@1Bad_Scientist: Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?
@elvisknievil: If you ever need 15 minutes of peace and quiet from texting, tell her to send a selfie.