@jake_lach: In hell, your socks are always wet
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@Reverend_Scott: Wife: "If I died, would you remarry?" Me: "Yup." Wife: "And you'd even let her use my golf clubs??" Me: "No silly! She's left handed."
@jordan_stratton: Nice try, horror movies, but the scariest thing I've ever seen is still a 4-year-old holding a sharpie without the cap.
@Book_Krazy: Judge: So, you don't know how the victims blood got in your car? Clown: In my defense Your Honor, there were 46 other passengers in the car
@alldrolledup: A Post-It note on every wine bottle at home that just says DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR AGAIN THAT WAS BAD