@RowdyBowden: In high school, I was voted Most Likely To Keep Bringing Up Past Achievements.
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@Merman_Melville: Me: I need a raise Secretly-an-Alien Manager: Yes, it is good to, want to exchange labor for the right amount of delicious green rectangles
@MomOfTeen: My youngest son's dirty clothes sit on the floor, beneath the laundry chute. I admire his hope that they'll bounce up and swish down.
@notacroc: Golfer: *lining up his shot* what do you think? Me (first day as a caddy): *reaching for a club* i think you should try your best
@Ikea_Monkey_89: When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that shit.