@RowdyBowden: In high school, I was voted Most Likely To Keep Bringing Up Past Achievements.
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@chuuew: ME: [practising my samurai sword moves in the mirror] [ever so slightly later] ME: [dying from massive blood loss]
@nojeshua: [mysterious British man rescues me] Me: How? Him: Bond [introducing himself as we leave prison], bail bond.
@Cheeseboy22: My problem with McDonalds is I can't go retrieve my kids in the play tubes because I can't fit in the play tubes because I eat at McDonalds.