@RowdyBowden: In high school, I was voted Most Likely To Keep Bringing Up Past Achievements.
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@KeetPotato: nurse: "if youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half" me: [visibly confused] wife: "the grapes keith not the baby"
@Skullcat: Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant