@Kid_topher: In high school, people called me "Superman" due to my light eyes and physical build. Also because I wore my underwear on top of my pants.
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@sixfootcandy: Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference? Me: Not if you're considering me for the job.
@SoVeryBritish: Leaving restaurant: "That was lovely" Outside: "Well, it was okay" In car: "I mean, it wasn't great" Back home: "We won't go there again"