@ericsshadow: In Hillary's defense. A lot of your friends probably give you $15,000,000 a few times a year and don't expect anything in return.
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@StephenBCramer: I installed a mirror in front of my toilet so that when I run out of things to read I will have someone to talk to.
@ericsshadow: [final debate] TRUMP: I'd like to apologize to hillary MODERATOR: umm ok HILLARY: umm ok TRUMP: I brought a gift *hands her a galaxy note 7*
@MarlonBrandNO: MOM: Story time ME: Yay! MOM: it's called "The Little Engine that Could, but doesn't cuz he's a little shit that won't move out" ME: mom?
@themorris23: On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.