@ericsshadow: In Hillary's defense. A lot of your friends probably give you $15,000,000 a few times a year and don't expect anything in return.
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@theroneman: Clyde: I'm looking 4 a partner. What's ur name? "Bonnie" C: That ur real name? "Nope. Jekyll Elizabeth Parker" C: ...Bonnie it is
@mrtruthandsoul: No, I don't need a bag; I'm gonna juggle this 12 pack, this bag of ice and this whole roasted chicken on my unicycle while whistling Dixie.
@Black__Elvis: My gf said all I do is sit on the couch in my underwear all day but that's bullshit, I've never been able to fit my underwear onto my couch.
@gerryhallcomedy: Sadly learned my family is racist. I started dating a black girl. Brought her home to meet the family. Wife and kids wouldn't talk to her.