@possibilyss: In hindsight, i shouldn't have said 'surprise me' when the judge was about to sentence me
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@NurseMurderer: I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90's TV
@PajamaBen_: *dad walks up to me stroking his beard* son, where do we keep the dog treats again? Im hun- *beard falls off revealing my dog. he runs away*
@jus4golf: You're Twitter famous. Cool, cool. I won a dodgeball tournament in 3rd grade and I got a real trophy for that.