@possibilyss: In hindsight, i shouldn't have said 'surprise me' when the judge was about to sentence me
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@rickolantern: The human race won't go extinct when our blood turns into high fructose corn syrup Our demise will come when hummingbirds figure it out
@man_spach: I have a very particular set of skills, skills I acquired over a long career. Skills that - ugh hold on *covers phone* MOM I'M ON THE PHONE!
@jergarl: After 10 years of marriage I've composed a check list of good reasons to get married. 1) Your family is being held hostage. 2) 3)
@Bob_Janke: If you ever feel silly for being on Twitter just remember there are people on national television asking "ghosts" questions.