@RidiculousSheri: In hindsight, naming my family portrait studio Let Me Shoot Your Kids, was probably not the best business decision.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Glad the lady in front of me decided at the last second to stop at the yellow light as I prefer to eat my fries from the dashboard.
@genehunter1: Twitter is the only place where you're thrilled when a complete stranger starts following you.
@KentWGraham: If you pack an acid-laced brownie in your lunch, you can quickly identify the employee who’s stealing all the food from the fridge.
@sarcasticmommy4: It's nice that friends keep picking up my kids for play dates. It'd be even nicer if they'd stop bringing them back home.