@BuckyIsotope: In his college years Jesus could turn oregano into weed
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@WilliamAder: Shattner didn't go to Nimoy's funeral, and Obama's been on the phone all weekend with the Vulcan ambassador, trying to smooth things over.
@ericsshadow: I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
@JPHaddadio: When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along.
@KalvinMacleod: A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. “Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house.