@slimmy_shady: In Korean restaurant w/my son & Korean waitress says to him"Hi, how are you"? "Sorry I don't speak Chinese" Great. I've raised a douche!
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@michaelianblack: Fun fact: The hip word "chillax" is a combination of the slang term "chill" and the more traditional word "laxative."
@Lisa_Laughs_: In order to prepare for the future, I'm going to practice wearing adult diapers. But only when I'm drinking.
@Dank_Pal: [Job Interview] Sir, it says here you're part of a small group of criminals that primarily kills interviewersoohhhhmygod