@GuyThe_Guy: In Maryland we can't legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway.
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@robcorddry: Batman's an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade
@sirchutney: Who just rang my doorbell? Its either: 1. A murderer 2. The police 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
@MondayPajamas: *cleaning out wallet* Wife: Why don't you just buy a new one? Me: What? This thing's practically brand new *finds Nirvana ticket stubbs*
@Book_Krazy: Me: How did Mrs. Incredible know to name her son Dash if she didnt know what his superpower was yet? Cashier: so was that paper or plastic?