@GuyThe_Guy: In Maryland we can't legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway.
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@AudreyPorne: I'm eating strawberries in the bath while watching a spider kill a ladybug. I feel like I'm in a silent French film about sex and death.
@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.
@thepunningman: Dr: your father is real sick Woman: [sobbing] how long? [her dad wheelies past on a bmx] Dr: almost six yards that time
@Maxine12333: Friend said I was becoming antisocial. Ridiculous. You build one little moat and people jump to hasty conclusions.