@rivalpunks: In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends.
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@TheDailySchmuck: Top Five Creepy Things: 5) Dark and stormy nights 4) Spiders 3) Cars with eyelashes 2) Decaf drinkers 1) People who take one bite of cake
@SamuelHLowe: If you're ever on death row, request Denny's for your last meal so you can live an extra year waiting on your order.
@PoliticallyILL1: I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."
@KateWhineHall: "We only had 5 channels and no remote" is the new "I walked uphill both ways, barefoot to school when I was a kid."