@rivalpunks: In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends.
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@SCbchbum: Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what the speed limit was, like I'm getting paid to tell him his job.
@KateWhineHall: Me: This is DISGUSTING! WHO PEED ON THE WALL?! 7yo: Not me. I only pee on the floor.
@NicestHippo: If you think you're bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone