@itsmovies: In movies when people go underwater, I like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo.
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@tsm560: My ex-girlfriend is getting divorced from my ex-best friend and I didn't think it was possible to be this happy.
@SortaBad: Dentist: this is gonna hurt a little bit Me: ok Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom
@ValeeGrrl: My son just sat me down to gently explain how I haven't made his summer "fun enough" yet so now he's folding laundry. In a totally fun way.
@kristikat7: If I was Snow White you'd never be able to kill me with an apple...you'd have to poison an eclair or something...