@English_Muffin: In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
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@PJTLynch: An annoying part of life in the 80s was when you're already late and, once again, you gotta shoo away some sexy lady lying all over your car
@Brampersandon_: ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: "she's nuts. This guy rules*
@LazyChank: Explained to my client that he shouldn't put "urgent" in the subject line of every email he sends. He now sends some as "urgent urgent".