@TotesInapropro_: In my defense, your baby was crying before I dropped it.
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@crunkdumpster: Ok so for next Halloween ill be mozart. "I'll be beethoven!" Yeah okay, calm down sally. So Mr. Terminator who will you be? "I'LL BE BACH."
@ElizaBayne: Name brands really are better. For instance, I just found out that the Tide pen works much better on stains than regular pens
@rockymomax: [me as a doctor] ME: *delivers baby* congratulations NEW MOTHER: what is it ME: it's a baby idiot
@zachreinert03: Anytime I see someone with dreadlocks i yell CONGRATS ON HAVING A DIRTY HEAD FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME