@TotesInapropro_: In my defense, your baby was crying before I dropped it.
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@duchesskk: "Let's play 21 questions" Nigerian Girl: how tall are you? Nigerian Guy: Rice. What's the worst thing you've done with a guy?
@KentWGraham: Don’t believe cartoons. No matter how hard you throw a toilet plunger, it won’t actually stick to someone’s face.
@MinionTrainer: Noticed lots of older people reading the bible. It's like they are cramming for their final exam.
@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *eating 3rd Twix of the day* Her: You eat too much candy, you're going to make me a widow Me: *orders 10 truckloads & cancels all plans*