@Mikecanrant: In my most recent study, Ive found that saying "I'll have a chicken pot pie, extra pot" to KFC employees gets a laugh 4 out of 10 times.
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@HomeProbably: There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she's left. She obviously wasn't blind at all.
@iCumBl00d: Why do they hand out Kleenex at funerals if you're not supposed to jerk off in the back row
@10InchesPlus: You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!
@brennadine: "How was the beach? You hang ten or what?" No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation