@Mikecanrant: In my most recent study, Ive found that saying "I'll have a chicken pot pie, extra pot" to KFC employees gets a laugh 4 out of 10 times.
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@GrillinChillin9: Mick Jagger: Hey Keith, come hold my new baby. Keith holding baby, whispers to it: I'm going to out live you too.
@MumsieEsq: Tweets are like your children: you love them all at first, you never know how they’ll age, and most of them you regret creating.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old thinks that there's a monster under his bed so I assured him that it won't get him as long as he stays in bed until 8AM.