@ArfMeasures: [My son's 1st day of school]
ME [in tears] it's just gone way too fast
TEACHER: Even so, you have to take him home now
@ehchinoo: Teach a man to shake and he will be able to greet everyone. Give a man a shake and all the boys will come to his yard
@E_lok44: "Be a deer, would ya" she says, mounting your head on the wall.
@JPHaddadio: When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along.
@HousewifeOfHell: What's it called when you're anxious enough to be a Helicopter Mom, but really, really lazy? A Blimp Mom? Yeah, I'm that.
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