@meganamram: In my opinion it's the aborted fetus' fault for not carrying a gun for protection
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@ArfMeasures: [My son's 1st day of school] ME [in tears] it's just gone way too fast TEACHER: Even so, you have to take him home now
@ehchinoo: Teach a man to shake and he will be able to greet everyone. Give a man a shake and all the boys will come to his yard
@JPHaddadio: When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along.