@marebytes: In my opinion - until they add extra fries, a martini & a joint - they have no business calling it a Happy Meal
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@AbrasiveGhost: GOD: [as a kid] DINOSAURS! GOD: [as a teenager] You will know the profound sadness of existence, humans.
@dave_cactus: ME: I quit texting and driving after the accident. HER: Were you hurt? [flashback to 12 hot dogs rolling off the dashboard] ME: So hurt.
@Kyle_Lippert: Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it's dead friends in your hand.
@GrantTanaka: A good way to break up with a girl is to leave her a trail of rose petals starting from her front door to North Korea.