@mayamanion: In my son's class they were talking about allergies, my son said "My mom says she's allergic to most other moms" Super
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@KeetPotato: date: [breaks 3 minute silence] "you dont have to use the chopsticks just to impress me" me: [trying to pick up my beer] "i can do it"
@BigHeb7: I'm sick of hearing about this World Class chef at Taco Bell. Chefs don't work at Taco Bell. Your weed dealer works at Taco Bell.
@DanteEvilCat: Silence is golden! Unless you have a toddler, then silence is very, very suspicious.
@too_chihuahua: Dad I'm gay *Dad rips newspaper* "WHAT" I like guys dad "Oh thank god. I thought you were happy for a second"