@thezwickers3: In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it's in.
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@Faux_Ma: Her: "My baby paints with her food because she's artistic." Me: "That or your baby paints with her food because she's a goddamn baby."
@daimonic0: If you come home n your dog gives you a lecture about smoking pot, you probably should lay off the acid too.
@unravelingfire: I feel like I have something to prove here. Judge: That's sort of how this works.
@VerifiedDrunk: I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,