@Lisa_Laughs_: In order to prepare for the future, I'm going to practice wearing adult diapers. But only when I'm drinking.
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@ArfMeasures: [restaurant] DATE: Tell me something naughty about you ME: Sure [loudly chewing a steak] I haven't brought any money
@Bownuggets: Accidentally dropped a magic mushroom in my cats litter box & now he's laying across the driveway staring at the stars & quoting Kierkegaard
@TeaAndCopy: ME: I hate owls [Owl turns his head 180°] OWL: What? ME: Oh I didn't see you there OWL: Are you talking behind my back? ME: I'm…I'm not sure