@shutupmikeginn: In order to save space, Ricky Gervais & Seth McFarlane are both one guy now. Frankly, it's been a long time coming
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@ANastyGorilla: My brother's so homophobic that if he dropped his keys in San Francisco he'd kick them to Oakland before bending over to pick them up.
@WheelTod: The wife & I fought last night. Saying things that can't be taken back. Like perishable goods. Baby food. DVDs with broken seals. Underwear.
@Karate_Horse: [robbery in progress in the store I'm at] *quickly remembers training from karate school* *bows to robber* *is kicked in head so hard*