@shutupmikeginn: In order to save space, Ricky Gervais & Seth McFarlane are both one guy now. Frankly, it's been a long time coming
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@wolfpupy: aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out
@BradBroaddus: Make sure your blind date from the internet has a big car. Nothing worse than a trunk with no leg room.
@Starlight2112: When someone slings shit at me, I like to duck and let it hit the person stabbing me in the back.
@Discourt: My toddler is legit angry at me because I wouldn't let her jump out a second story window today. This is why you need birth control ladies.