@jonnysun: in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times
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@Ndeshi_M: Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you! Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?
@IamEveryDayPpl: My husband has been missing for a week, the police say to prepare for the worst... So I went to the thrift store & got all his clothes back!
@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: When speaking to children I always end every sentence with "...or else you'll die. " - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool.
@joshgondelman: I know a bunch of guys who are like Christian Grey but without the money and the handsomeness. They're in jail.