@0point5twins: In phone books, "assisted living" is next to "assassin", so be more careful than I was, hiring someone to 'take care of grandma'.
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@KrangTNelson: ME: [brutally murdered by police for no reason] MEDIA: Man Involved in Yesterday's Curfuffle Had Troubling History of Pot Use and Cursing
@XplodingUnicorn: The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people.
@capricecrane: I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking.