@TweetsByTheTony: In pretty sure my wife's most prized possession is her plastic bag full of other plastic bags.
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@ATorres2181: *walks in *wife is murdered *looks at mirror (Written in blood) YOUR NEXT "My next what? *from the closet "Oh sorry typo I meant you're.
@AaronFullerton: OK, if you get to refer to your favorite football team as "we," then I definitely get to refer to the cast of Friends as "we."
@simoncholland: My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it's my fault.