@LostLettermen: In response to McDonald's pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH.
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@Ideal_Victoria: I spotted a subtweet and also spotted a squirrel with a juice box... I'll let you guess which one had a greater impact on my life.
@CornOnTheGoblin: mom: are you kids committing seppuku in there me: [trying to scoop my guts back inside me] NO mom: ok... no seppuku
@AmishPornStar1: I love when I can still smell your colon on my pillow the next day. -why spelling matters