@MomOfTeen: In rest homes, when lovers have spats, do they key each other's walkers???
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@OkieGirl405: This is a fake tweet, someone asked me to put their # in my phone so I'm pretending to add it to my contacts
@SatansTongue: *daughter grabs 50 shades of grey* NO! *smacks it out of her hand* "I want to color!" ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK "But daddy-" DON'T CALL ME THAT
@iGreenMonk: Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight.