@AnOrangeSNES: In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly.
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@WritePlay: *walking into our new house* ME: Whaddya say we christen our new home? HER: *giggling* OK *later, flinging holy water* ME: GET OUT GHOSTS
@TitansHomer: Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"
@WildeThingy: Conveniently, the sound from their early Saturday morning lawn mowers covers the noise of my sniper rifle.
@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters