@aveuaskew: In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn't the best way to respond to my therapist.
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@OfficeofSteve: My washing machine is broken and the laundry is piled so much now, I've started to wear old Halloween costumes
@0point5twins: "Do you want to play doctors and nurses?" *flirty giggle* "ok..." "I'm a specialist. The earliest I can see you is May next year"
@KyleMcDowell86: *dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* "Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"
@TheWoodenslurpy: To people calling themselves "Grammar Nazis": you’re not correcting grammar so much as punctuation or spelling. Hi, I’m a Nomenclature Nazi.