@Nahdude83: In Russia, Jesus finds you.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: My computer broke IT guy: What have you tried so far? Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing
@laurajennyjo: I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit
@TheUrbanSlangs: Drunk - When you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
@FrakkingAwesome: The trick to free lunches is to tell your friend "you get this one, I'll get the next 1" and then never see them again and make new friends.